Life is full of paradoxes. We need to make mistakes in order to get better. We need to fail in order to succeed. We need to be lost in order to be found. No pain, no gain. No comfort without sadness. I could go on and on. The two that are most important for our happiness and therefore the most profound are as follows:
1. We need to have clear boundaries if we want to have functioning, intimate relationships.
2. We need to be strong in order to be vulnerable.
Let’s look at the first one. We can very often mistake real intimacy with merging in a way that actually fosters co-dependency over self-fulfillment. This is all part of the plan. We are destined to attract into our lives, the friends and lovers that fit ever so perfectly the missing curves and angles of our particular puzzle piece. This is the beauty of the design of the universe. The universe is always searching for balance. This attraction of what we lack is the energetic universe’s call to heal. Or as Joseph Campbell named it “The Hero’s Journey”. The human ready to keep searching for the answers within his or her own self, knowing that no one can save them except their own quest for truth and love.
We also need to full embrace our pain in order to have the capacity for compassion for ourselves and others, i.e,, pain creates caring – another paradox.
The second is the idea that in order to be truly open and vulnerable we need to be strong. Only the resilient can afford to keep their hearts open. Without the strength that comes along with trust of self, we cannot afford the risk of potential pain that being open and vulnerable might bring to us.
Why is it that these paradoxes exist? Is it the yin/yang energy of life that requires it? As my friend says, “the bigger the front, the bigger the back”. No light without darkness etc. ?
What do you think?
Can you offer other paradoxical truths?
Yours in this emotional life,
Carla
This Emotional Life 