Author: This Emotional Life

Our emotions are not just feelings; they are the four fundamental energies of physics—electromagnetism, gravity, nuclear force, and weak force—flowing through our bodies and brains. When we have full, unhindered access to these energies, we become fully human. And that is the prerequisite for evolving and deepening our connection to spirit.

Pure emotions—fear/excitement, anger/desire, sadness/comfort, love/need—are the bridge between our physical existence and our spiritual selves. They work in tandem. As we open ourselves to these energies, we open ourselves to spirit. The soul’s journey aligns directly with the work of accessing and balancing these forces. We are, in essence, the evolving energy of existence—God, physics, and humanity intertwined.

Our evolution accelerates when we confront the inner conflicts that block the flow of these energies. And we all have them. As we resolve these conflicts, we release the natural forces of the universe within us, allowing us to grow.

This healing isn’t just for us—it’s for future generations. No matter how much we try to do things differently for our children, the unresolved energies within us will affect them. Children are pure energy; they sense everything beneath the surface. The best gift we can give them is our own healing.

What if we loved not to get something back—but simply for the sake of loving? Just to love, as fully and freely as we are able?

So why do we often feel stressed, disappointed, even heartbroken in our efforts to love?

Because most of us are still loving for results. Hoping, unconsciously, to receive something we didn’t get as children. The child within us is still searching—longing to be seen, to be chosen, to feel safe, valued, or enough.

What allows us to love without needing something in return?

It begins with working through the very places where love once failed us. Each time we feel disappointment, frustration, or pain in our career, relationships, parenting, or friendships, an old wound is being touched. As we begin to recognize and heal these echoes of the past, we slowly become capable of loving without clinging. Without needing a particular outcome.

And from this place, we show up differently. We become more present. More generous. We give to others—and to our work—not from ego, but from something deeper. From pure love.

And here’s the paradox: this kind of love is not weak. It does not abandon itself. It does not need to shut down, lash out, or flee. Because love in its pure form is strong. It knows how to say no. Not out of fear or reactivity, but from clarity.

When a “no” comes from love, it is neither aggressive nor punishing. It’s firm, grounded, and honest. And while it doesn’t always cause others to become more loving, it creates the conditions where true connection becomes possible.

Life is full of paradoxes. We need to make mistakes in order to get better. We need to fail in order to succeed. We need to be lost in order to be found. No pain, no gain. No comfort without sadness. I could go on and on. The two that are most important for our happiness and therefore the most profound are as follows:

1. We need to have clear boundaries if we want to have functioning, intimate relationships.

2. We need to be strong in order to be vulnerable.

Let’s look at the first one. We can very often mistake real intimacy with merging in a way that actually fosters co-dependency over self-fulfillment. This is all part of the plan. We are destined to attract into our lives, the friends and lovers that fit ever so perfectly the missing curves and angles of our particular puzzle piece. This is the beauty of the design of the universe. The universe is always searching for balance. This attraction of what we lack is the energetic universe’s call to heal. Or as Joseph Campbell named it “The Hero’s Journey”. The human ready to keep searching for the answers within his or her own self, knowing that no one can save them except their own quest for truth and love.

We also need to full embrace our pain in order to have the capacity for compassion for ourselves and others, i.e,, pain creates caring – another paradox.

The second is the idea that in order to be truly open and vulnerable we need to be strong. Only the resilient can afford to keep their hearts open. Without the strength that comes along with trust of self, we cannot afford the risk of potential pain that being open and vulnerable might bring to us.

Why is it that these paradoxes exist? Is it the yin/yang energy of life that requires it? As my friend says, “the bigger the front, the bigger the back”. No light without darkness etc. ?

What do you think?

Can you offer other paradoxical truths?

Yours in this emotional life,

Carla

Healing Starts Within: How Inner Work Can Heal the World

We live in a world full of division, judgment, and disconnection. In the face of so much suffering—globally and personally—it’s easy to feel powerless. But here’s a truth I’ve come to know deeply through years of inner work and guiding others: the most powerful thing we can do for the world is to heal ourselves.

Real healing isn’t about erasing the past or pretending pain didn’t happen. It’s about facing what we’ve buried—our anger, our grief, our shame—and giving ourselves permission to feel it fully. Only then can we begin to understand the pain we carry, forgive ourselves, and access the compassion that’s been waiting beneath the surface.

This process doesn’t just change us. It changes how we show up in the world.

Without our own suffering, we would never truly understand compassion. When we deny our pain, we also deny ourselves the chance to become more loving, more present, more whole. And when we stay disconnected from our pain, we remain disconnected from others.

This disconnection plays out everywhere—from our personal relationships to our political systems. It’s often those who haven’t processed their own wounds who become the most judgmental, the most hardened, or the most indifferent. When we witness cruelty or alienation and ask, “How could someone do that?”—the answer often lies in unacknowledged suffering.

But healing is possible. And it begins one heart at a time.

We all have the power to be a healing force. Each of us influences a small circle of people—our families, friends, coworkers, neighbors. When we choose to live with integrity, to protect our own hearts, and to see the pain in others, we become a source of compassion and change. If everyone did this, love and understanding would ripple out into the world.

This isn’t idealism—it’s responsibility.

In today’s United States, where political division runs deep and antagonism seems to define our national tone, we must remember: change doesn’t start in Washington. It starts in your living room. In your relationships. In your willingness to understand your own pain so you can meet others with empathy instead of judgment.

You don’t need to change the whole world. You just need to heal yourself—and let that healing expand outward. That is how we become part of the solution. That is how we find connection in the face of division. That is how we create a world that operates from love, not fear.

Know this: your acts of compassion, your commitment to inner healing, and your choice to love in spite of it all… these things matter. They are how we heal the world.

One heart at a time.

Making Sense Of What We Feel

What Am I Feeling—and Why?

Frustrated. Sad. Annoyed. Jealous. Worried. Depressed.

We feel so much, so often—and it can get overwhelming. But here’s something that can change everything: not all feelings are the same. And if you want to start feeling better, it helps to understand the difference between feelings and emotions.

Emotions aren’t a luxury or a weakness. They’re part of your body’s built-in healing system. They’re signals from deep inside you, meant to help you process life, stay healthy, and grow.

Over the years, through study and hands-on work with clients, I’ve discovered that there are only eight experiences that truly qualify as emotions. They come in four pairs: one pleasant, one unpleasant in each.

Excitement and Fear Desire and Anger Comfort and Sadness Love and Need

These are what I call pure emotions. They rise up in response to real-life events, and even when they’re painful, they carry meaning and momentum. They help you move through experiences and come out stronger, wiser, and more at peace.

But feelings like frustration, guilt, resentment, and anxiety? Those aren’t pure emotions. They’re signs of internal conflict—of parts of you pulling in different directions. They don’t move you forward. In fact, they often keep you stuck, circling around the same unresolved thoughts and patterns.

Pure emotions may be uncomfortable at times, but they’re healing. They bring your body and mind back into alignment after life’s big and small traumas. That’s why learning to recognize and work with your real emotions—rather than getting lost in feelings—is such a powerful step toward real, lasting change